The Cold Season
by SydnieWren
Summary: In their academy days, Renji betrays Kira's trust. Humiliated, lonely and angry, Kira wishes to hurt him in kind, though he himself becomes the victim. Things can't ever go back to the way they were. GinxKira. Oral, anal, dubcon, rough.


**Hey guys, back with more GinxKira angst. This is probably the saddest thing I've written in some time, but I'll let you be the judge of that! Please let me know what you think! **

**Warnings: oral, anal, rough sex.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

Kira did not like to go home. Since everything with Gin had begun, he had mostly slept at the captain's house, a sparse pseudo-shack near the edge of the gated city, where weeds grew and the soil was mostly brittle and dry. When Gin was off on overnight missions or unexplained absences, Kira had taken to staying at the third division headquarters, in the narrow antechamber that was divided from the wooden porch only by thin paper doors. He watched through the frosted white membrane as the sun sank beneath the horizon in faint washes of gold and violet.

And then it was dark.

Those days he fell asleep easily and often. Energy was uncommon to him; he operated out of sheer force of will. Still, despite his hours of rest, he hadn't had a dream in such a long time, and he wondered each time he drifted away if he would finally have one again, or if he had already dreamed every dream he had in him...

When he awoke it was to rustling in the dark. Whether he had been asleep for a few hours or days he could not discern. The sound that had roused him was the arrival of Ichimaru Gin, sword in hand, white captain's robe drenched in blood.

Not his own. Never his own.

"Good evening, Ichimaru-taichou," Kira mumbled.

Gin gazed down at him with his head cocked to the side, puzzled by the honorific.

"Oh...Gin," the blond corrected himself, rather embarrassed with the whole situation.

"Thought I'd find you here," the captain informed him cheerfully, allowing his sword to drop to the ground.

Kira was silent. He had no interest in admitting to him that he didn't like to go home; he wasn't sure if it would bother him or not, whether or not he would tease him over it, or try, somehow, to exploit it. Gin could exploit anything - anything.

Gin went on: "so, Kira-fukutaichou," he grinned, "ah - _Izuru, _why the long face?" As he spoke, he shed his robe, then the belt of his uniform, having stepped out of his shoes.

"I'm sorry," he replied slowly, "I guess I've just been feeling a bit down, lately."

"Ah?" Gin paused, "Y'know Izuru, you're welcome to sleepin' at my place when I'm out."

Kira perked up immediately, somewhat stunned.

"Oh - ah, really?"

"Unless you're gonna rob me or somethin'."

Kira smiled faintly and nodded.

"Maybe I'll get some better sleep there," he sighed wistfully.

"Maybe," Gin agreed, reaching down to tug off his socks, "y'know, Izuru - always meant to ask you, how'd you even find out where my house is? Way back when, I mean."

Kira straightened, his back pressed against the wall. Long moments of thought passed as he traced patterns on the hardwood floor, averting Gin's gaze.

"I asked Momo," he finally admitted.

"Uh-huh. How'd she know?"

"She had already gotten close to Aizen by then. She went to all of his calligraphy lectures...asked him for private tutoring. Sometimes she went on walks with him - that's how she knew."

Gin's grin seemed to widen and he chuckled.

"Aizen, that knave. Always has picked the little innocent ones."

"No - I don't think - "

"Then think again."

Another pause passed as Gin sank down beside Kira, pulling the blond to sit between his open legs and lean back against him. The captain played idly with soft blond hair, absently humming for a moment before asking yet another question.

"Y'know, also always meant to ask - why'd you show up like that?"

And Kira knew precisely which meeting Gin referred to. It had been their first _intimate _encounter, and it had occurred on terms that Kira seldom thought of and tried to forget.

"It's a long story."

"We got all the time in the world," Gin insisted.

"It's a sad story," Kira warned.

"Aah, but it all turned out alright, eh?" he squeezed the blond's waist playfully. "C'mon, tell me."

Kira sagged against him, letting his head come to rest against his sharp shoulder.

"Alright, alright. It started in the morning, before the rain."

* * *

Kira was a little ashamed that he had awoken so late, much later than his mother and father had ever tolerated - somewhere a little after ten. Immediately he realized that he had slept in because the sun hadn't ever called to wake him - instead, the sky was deeply overcast, and he believed at once that there would be heavy rain soon.

Lately he enjoyed his days off. Upon his entrance into the academy he had buried himself in his work, afraid that free time would lend itself to loneliness; and he felt he had availed himself to loneliness to perhaps the extent of his capability.

But then he had met Renji, and Momo, and a host of others who seemed carefree and kind, thoughtful, honorable. Even among his rambunctiousness and combative nature, Renji harbored a code of ethics that, while rough, impressed Kira deeply. As he had come to know the man he had found that their values matched well - surprising, he thought, considering the vast difference in their backgrounds. Renji had grown up in the impossibly hostile Rukongai, where food was hard to come by and vice abundant. As a result he was electric, bursting with energy and boundless endurance, his hands were calloused and his body taut and strong, perfectly sculpted. Kira, meanwhile, had been raised in a quiet, clean home in which tea was served daily and meals were enjoyed together nightly. Yet somehow they shared their morals, their visions and values.

Kira realized without admitting it to himself that he had become infatuated with the man.

It didn't help to extinguish the shy flame that they had spent more time together in the past months than ever before. Renji was always game for a sparring match or some one-on-one soccer - one one occasion he had even been persuaded to play a game of shogi. Not that he enjoyed it, of course, which made it all the more meaningful to the hopeful blond.

When he set out it was already drizzling lightly. The stone path that circled the academy dormitories had darkened a bit under the slow falling drops, and the grass was just wet enough to dampen the edges of his socks. He considered, as he walked, what he would ask Renji to do since the weather had turned bad. With a smile to himself he realized that the dojo would still be open, and they could practice together there. Renji was _always _up for practice.

Academy dorms were endowed with two doors each: one leading from the inside of the room to the indoor hallways, and one leading from the inside of the room to the outside stone path that circled the building. When Kira arrived at Renji's outside door, he knocked lightly, waiting for a response. Nothing - save a light rustling. A grin spread over his face when he realized that Renji must still have been sleeping, and so he knocked harder, calling:

"Come on, Renji! Time to get up! Let's spar!"

"Fuck off, Kira!"

The blond took a step back in shock, his posture sagging slightly. He could not imagine what must've been the matter.

But then he heard it, the muffled murmur of voices. Renji's clearly, muttering something he couldn't discern, and then a higher pitched one, soft and smooth - obviously a woman.

Kira hadn't heard a single thing about a girlfriend. Renji had spoken to him about women he found attractive before and he knew that if there had been a girl, he would have said something about it.

That is, he considered, unless it had happened since their last meeting, yesterday.

Some - loose woman? Kira was immediately startled and stood transfixed as he heard the girl moaning. There wasn't any doubt about what Renji was up to, and it forced a shudder through him.

"R-renji - !"

"Fuck, Kira! Fuck off!"

Kira heard heavy footsteps - stomping - and then the door opened just a crack, revealing the redhead with a sheet wrapped around his waist.

"Get outta here, Kira," he said, then with less animosity.

"Renji," the blond breathed, eyes wide.

"Go on, beat it. Later."

And just before the door closed in his face, sealing off a friendship that he had expected to grow, Kira glimpsed the woman sitting up in Renji's bed, some dark haired thing known for being fast and easy with terrible grades.

* * *

"Wait just a minute. Sure it wasn't Rangiku?"

"N-no, she's - twice our age."

"Oh, that don't stop her," Gin smirked.

"Well - it wasn't - I don't think - it wasn't her."

"Alright, alright. Keep goin'."

* * *

He stumbled back and turned on his heel. It was only when he was sprinting away, heart pounding with tears in his eyes that he found it was raining - hard. At once he was drenched, and the ground had become swollen and soft; more than once he nearly slipped.

What had transpired he could barely understand. His thoughts were tangled and disorganized, swirling, sinking lower and lower. As he passed through the field back toward his building, he thought of how the rain unearthed things, tender fleshy things that lived underground, supple roots, ancient rocks and writhing creatures that should never be seen. And it had unearthed, for him, shame and anger and a painful knowledge of his own weakness, the destruction of his expectations - his hopes.

He had been without hope before.

Throwing open the door of his room, he stumbled inside, then slamming the door forcefully behind him. It was then that he began to cry in earnest.

_Damn Renji, _he thought, _forget - forget him, fuck him! _

Abandoned, lost, confused, consumed with an agonizing impotent rage, he fell on all fours, shoulders quaking with the force of his weeping.

He had thought they had felt the same about things. He had thought they viewed it - viewed sex - in the same way: something somewhat serious. They both felt that being with easy women was, in a very real sense, taking advantage of them; Kira pitied them for their self-destruction, and Renji had seen to many women meet their demise in that very way in Rukongai.

Kira wondered, with a bitter sob, if he had almost loved him.

Even as he cried he hated him for what he had done. Immediately he was lost in the torrent of loneliness, abandonment and utter isolation that he had felt for so long.

He wanted to know why, to know why.

He wanted some kind of revenge, to hurt Renji as badly as he had been hurt. To show him that he, too, could easily walk away from him, abandon him, disregard whatever had been between them. He wanted to do something unexpected and dangerous, something even more unthinkable than what Renji himself had done.

* * *

Gin laughed.

"And why me? Aizen just wasn't exciting enough for you?"

"Well..." Kira glanced away, blushing, "I was impressed with you - on that night, when the practice went wrong - with those hollows, I mean - and you destroyed them so easily..."

"Aaw, Kira-kun had a little crush?"

Kira bit his lip and nodded. His captain could not know, he thought, how very intense it had been.

"Sorry to interrupt," Gin sighed finally, a chuckle still on his voice, "do go on."

* * *

Hinamori emerged when he knocked on her door, though he was afraid of what he would find. But of course, it was just the small woman with her hair down, in her night clothes. The room behind her was tidy and empty, and momentarily he thanked his luck.

"Hello, Momo," he greeted quickly, "do you happen to know where Ichimari-taichou's house is?"

She was stunned and stuttered her greeting.

"Aah, um, Izuru-kun! Yes, um - it's right around the corner from the third division headquarters. There's a thicket of bamboo, and a long lane - just follow the lane, then turn at the end. It's the only building there."

"Thanks, Momo!" he called, already turning to run.

"Wait - um - Izuru-kun! Why - why are you going there?"

"I am - I'm going to ask about - third - and - well, I'll tell you later!"

She stood in her doorway a long time after he had disappeared, watching the empty path he had trodden in the pouring rain.

* * *

"You know what happened after that," Kira sighed, sagging in Gin's arms.

"Aww, you don't feel like recountin' it?"

"Not right now, at least. I'm exhausted."

"Well," Gin playfully brushed Kira's bangs off of his forehead, "let's get you in bed then."

The captain rose first, stretching with a satisfied groan, then offering his lover a hand. Kira swayed on his feet for a moment and Gin seemed not to notice, instead draping an arm around his narrow waist.

And, on the way back to his home, the taller man seemed to say something, perhaps many things, but Kira was too tired to comprehend any of it, drained by his memories. He didn't like to think about what had happened after he left Momo, and sometimes he resented her - wrongly, he knew - for not stopping him. And sometimes he hated Renji as well, though he felt petty and stupid for it.

But that night, after many empty nights, Kira did dream - or rather, remembered.

* * *

The long dirt path that led to Gin's home was slick and soft; Kira nearly slipped again and again, and at some point did fall, collapsing onto his hands and knees, panting. Still he climbed back to his feet and continued on at a sprint, the cold air burning in his lungs. All reason had left him. He could think of nothing more than doing this thing - this terrible thing - to strike back at Renji and preserve some of his dignity.

There were tears in the corners of his eyes, searing against his frozen skin. For a few paces he squeezed them shut, bringing the taste of salt to his lips along with the cloying sweetness of the rain. But it didn't matter - not to him - not then.

Still he couldn't imagine what would happen when he brought himself to Ichimaru's house. What would he say? How could he possibly even speak in his presence? If he lost his nerve - he was terrified of that - how could he ever explain himself?

But it didn't stop him. Finally he came to the end of the road, and on that same momentum climbed the steps up to Ichimaru's simple wooden door. He knocked before he could think twice about it, refusing to give himself the chance to stand still on the threshold, as he knew, given the time, that he would.

A mere second later - as though he had been waiting - Gin opened his door, wearing only his black hakama and haori, no vice captain's badge in sight, along with an eerie, mirthless grin.

"Afternoon, Izuru-kun," he greeted, "what can I do for you?"

Kira gulped, still breathing hard, and, blood pounding in his ears, pushed through the doorway to press his lips against Gin's. The vice captain's eyebrows rose, and his palms came to rest flat against Kira's shoulders, though he did not move. The blond was trembling, shivering, his mind awash with his own desperate hopelessness.

"Oh my," Gin breathed, again sporting that wide grin, "Izuru-kun is a naughty boy."

Only a squeak passed his lips before he was abruptly moved to the side by a single sweep of Gin's arm. As he struggled to keep his balance, he watched the other peer out of his still half-open door, looking to the right, the left, squinting into the distance before slamming it shut and turning on him.

And then it all happened very fast.

Gin advanced on him, and he backed up, terrified now that he was alone with the man in a small place in the middle of nowhere, defenseless and unable to call for help. When he felt his back pressed against the wall he shrank away, the tears that he had managed to fight off momentarily beginning to well up again. He brought his hands up defensively, ducking behind them, though made no move.

"Poor Izuru-kun," Gin crooned, "he's afraid. Don't be scared, Izuru-kun. Isn't this what you came for?"

Kira's haori - which he had not even noticed the vice captain gripping - was roughly torn off of him. With that, he almost fell, and he clearly sobbed. Gin seemed thoroughly amused. He was pulled from the wall slightly by the small of his back as the blue belt was jerked off of him, and he screwed his eyes shut tightly as he was divested of his hakama as well. Naked, quivering and all at once entranced and angry and frightened, he tried desperately not to cry anymore.

Without warning, Gin's long fingers encircled his cock. A choked wail escaped him as he tried to get lost in the pleasure of it, to be as proud of himself as he had known so shortly ago that he would be, to be satisfied with his good plan.

But he suddenly felt very out of control, and everything was wrong.

"What're you cryin' for, Izuru-kun?" Gin murmured in his ear, "No reason to cry yet."

_Yet. _

Kira's cock hardened in Gin's unforgiving hands, and he bucked slightly into them, hoping somehow to spare himself whatever sadistic plans the other was conjuring for him. Even without experience he could surmise that this was to be no normal encounter; he did not know yet that Gin was not capable of normal encounters.

"P-please..."

But despite his tearful plea, Gin's hand was on his shoulder then, pushing him firmly to his knees. He had felt ready to collapse for some time, and he fell to the floor in a heap, head bowed, calves folded beneath him. He watched, dumbfounded, as the vice captain effortlessly undressed, throwing off his belt and haori in one smooth motion before stepping easily out of his hakama.

At once, Kira knew what he wanted, and his stomach turned. The size of Gin's sex and the vision of his naked body weren't things he had imagined when his plan was hatched. He had only thought of how powerful, how dangerous, how handsome and enigmatic and fierce he was. Presently all of those considerations seemed secondary to the man himself, whose body was hard and lean, whose cock was stiff and long and dripping.

"G'head," Gin said gently, fingers lacing in blond hair, "suck, Izuru-kun."

Kira rose up, holding onto the man's hips for the support his own body did not have the strength to provide. Shivering, breath hitching, he grasped Gin's cock and tentatively licked the tip. At once, however, he jerked away - he hadn't ever tasted, after all -

The back of Gin's hand collided with his cheekbone sharply and he cried out, falling again against the wall. Overwrought and painfully afraid, he again lost control of his tears and worried deeply that Gin was going to kill him.

"Just be a good boy for me, Izuru-kun, and we won't hafta do that again, hm?" This time his fist clenched tightly in the other's pale hair, pulling him back to his knees and close to his body. "_Suck._"

And he did, wincing when the tip of Gin's cock brushed the back of his throat. He fought the urge to cough and breathed sharply when he could, his sinuses still burning with tears. The vice captain was thrusting in and out of his mouth, blond hair still clasped tight in his fingers to steady him.

"Good boy, good boy," he panted, gazing down at the other with a malicious grin. Kira blushed, his hands shaking and heart fluttering under the scrutiny. When Gin pulled out of his mouth, the blond remained still, unsure of what to do but incredibly mindful of the bruise blossoming on his cheek.

"Stand on up, Izuru-kun," Gin invited, slipping a hand beneath his arm to bring him to his feet. Kira gazed up at him helplessly, lips shining and swollen, eyes wide with fear. He felt Gin grasping him by his hips and leaning in; within a short second the other had lifted him up and directed him to drape his legs around him.

"Hold on tight," the vice captain warned, his thin lips moving against the tender shell of Kira's ear. The blond barely had time for a deep breath before the other man was fully sheathed inside of him, long and thick and altogether too big, stretching him and filling him entirely. Gin swallowed Kira's scream in a hard kiss that pressed him against the wall.

Kira wrapped his arms around the other man's sharp shoulders and gripped as securely as he could, pressing his undamaged cheek against him. Gin held him beneath the thighs and thrust in hard and fast, purring his pleasure and occasionally giving abrupt, harsh moans. Kira could feel his cock stroking over some spot inside of him that made him writhe and cry out hoarsely, even more so as his cock began to drip between them.

"Ichi - maru - mmm - oh!" Kira felt his body clench around Gin's sex as he struggled for stimulation. His own cock was painfully stiff, hypersensitive, getting just enough stimulation to tease him torturously.

"Oh, please," he panted, "I-Ichimaru - pl-please...!"

"Come for me, Izuru," Gin hissed in his ear, biting down hard on the soft lobe.

Kira twisted against him one last time before his back bowed extremely, arching him onto Gin's cock. Something like a sob erupted from his strained throat as he felt his seed spilling between them, and his vision went momentarily blurry with the ecstasy of it. He weakened, went boneless against the wall as he gasped for breath.

"Now now, don't get lazy on me," Gin chided, though his voice was husky and breathing labored, "I get a turn too, Izuru."

And he did. Kira again held on tight with all the strength he could muster, working to move against the man even as he became aware of how sore he was, inside and out. Without so much as a moan of warning, Gin hilted in him, holding his hips to the point of bruising as he filled him with his seed. Kira could feel that intense warmth spreading inside of him, and despite himself he moaned softly at the strange sensation.

When he was next aware, Gin had let him slide down the wall into a sitting position, though his thighs and entrance ached immensely against the unforgiving wooden floor. He could not think of any words to say to the man who presently stood over him wearing that eerie smile, and, even if he had thought of something to offer, his voice failed him. His lips were still swollen and felt chapped at the corners; the remnants of tears still stung his eyes like sharp sand. Blood pounded in his swollen cheek, where his pale skin had progressed from a faint red to a deep, mellow blue.

He winced as Gin trailed his thin fingertips over the bruise.

"Aw, Izuru," he sighed, "I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to hit you, poor thing. Can you forgive me, Izuru-kun?"

Kira nodded dumbly, though he was almost certain that the vice captain was mocking him. Still he was entirely entranced by the man, even as he grinned down at him inscrutably.

"Gonna come visit me again?" Gin asked cheerfully, moving away to dress.

Kira could not answer. Of course he would come back. It was, then, all he had left. Whatever he had shared with Renji, Momo, anyone else who knew and trusted him had just been destroyed in a blaze of pain. Perhaps, he thought, he had hurt himself seemingly for his own sake, and left things worse than before.

But things couldn't ever go back.

* * *

**Thanks for the read, and please review!**


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